I HATE MY HOUSE #2

I live with my mother, father, grandmother, and younger brother. I am 24 years old and have been living with my family since things got sour in school (Hampton, VA) since Spring 2005. My main goal has always been to live on my own, and to own my own vehicle. Not the most exciting things but I know now that I was going about it the wrong way. I thought that I could do it all on my own, and did not include God in my plans. Clearly, that is the worst thing a child of God can do, because He will eventually remind you that you belong to him which he has certainly done with me. Things in my life just increasingly got more difficult and every year since I have been back home I have found myself out of a job for at least three months at a time.
Thankfully, with the help of God, every job has helped to shape me and has brought me closer to God. Recently, I just landed a job after being broke for a few months of course. Now I could save, get started on my plans, help my family and other who may need it..etc. Most importantly, this means that I could save to move far away from my family.
However, this requires much patience because it's clearly going to take time to accumulate enough money to move out and live comfortably. I am very nice person, genuine and kind. I could be very unpleasant when I get hurt (very sensitive as well) like everyone, but it hurts more when people hurt me when there isn't a reason at all. The person who has hurt most in my life has always been my mother. She hurts me everyday, and I have to live with her. I try my hardest to be a good kid, I am not very obedient though I do try. But my reasoning is because my mother is just a controlling individual, ungrateful, extremely prideful, stubborn, and worst of all, irrational. She did not raise obedient children because of the ineffective way she brought up her children.
I am grown enough to move out and live on my own...of course my parents don't want this. I am responsible with bills and expenses...better than my parents even, no lie.
Most nights I cry because I feel like am being smothered, misunderstood, disrespected by family members, and of course....because of the random outburst of wrath that my mother throws my way for either no reason at all or no sensible reason. We do not communicate well. It seems as though she does not want to see me do better for myself. She turns her nose up at everything that I do. She seems envious, she could be very mean, spiteful, and extremely evil with her words (if I was still small she would probably be very violent). She could go on a tangent for hours and makes it almost unbearable to live with her. I do not like being told what to do but I feel God humbling me so that is a good thing for starters. However, its even harder to obey someone when you see their selfish motives. Growing up with her and living with her now even, has always been like walking in a minefield. I have to be very careful in everything I say and it has gotten to the point where my natural behavior with her causes my relationship with others to be very hard and difficult.
She is to blame for the complete mess of a person that I am, and for the way all her children turned out. That is how I feel. Is it okay to feel that way? She was verbally, physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to all five of her children growing up and we all face the same type of difficulties in our lives. I don't want to make this any longer, but I know I need patience to live with her because I have no other option. I just don't understand how a Christian woman can continue to be the same person for so long? Stubborn, prideful, envious of her own children, irrational, mean - evil that is who she is in a nutshell. Isn't the Holy Spirit suppose to be showing her what she is doing wrong? Shouldn't she be humbled not letting her pride get in the way?
I know that I am not perfect but God is in the process of changing me and I could feel it. Although she is a caring and generous person...thats all I see in her. Other than that, I try everyday not to hate her because she does love me in her own awkward way. I am just really sad because I really don't know what I did to her this week that has set her off...acting real evil towards me. Should I really have to subject myself to this kind of sinful behavior just because she is my mother? I know that I am really hard on her. But I have come a long way. When I was 14yrs old I disowned her as my mother and lost all respect for her as a person. I have given her a second chance at loving me, but she shows me no reason to believe that she is capable. Our relationship is much better when we are apart. But that does not change who she is, she still is evil and unwilling to come to terms with her sins. She does not see anything wrong with her and can rationalize through anything (even when her rationale is completely idiotic).