My Relationship with Jesus C. & The Holy Spirit
I'm going though it. I've just had it really bad for a few months now. To be more specific, I have recently moved out of my parents home, so I am living on my own for the first time since winter 2004. Then, however, I was millions of miles away on campus with students, chaperons, teachers, and lots people and friends. Now, I've entered the adult world of paying rent, paying down debt, paying for school, and of course...still going to school.
Any-who, the last forum I posted was on my addiction to cigarettes, and other drugs that I never really came out and mentioned and won't. I am trying to closer to God. Trying to gain a really deep relationship with Jesus through the help of the Holy Spirit. I've already given up trying to do things my way because obviously every time I take control over my life or put things in my hands, chaos and destruction come knocking on my door. I know that I have to put my faith in hands, and trust him. I also know that I have grown a lot in my relationship and in my faith but I need direction and guidance on what to do with my life.
I am struggling with school, struggling with my new leadership role at work, and struggling to find my own identity in Christ. All in all I want well, I NEED a clear picture of what my meaning and purpose on this earth is. I feel desperate beating against the time-line of school (should I do my homework? is what God has in plan for me? Obtaining my B.A.?? Is that not working towards worldly gain vs. spiritual??) How do I get this these answers? I need them quick and fast.
I feel desperate everyday, sad and depressed, lonely and confused and downright out of it. I don't know how I make it through the day, because whenever I am a lone a cry. I just want to be justified in my actions, and in everything I do. But how could I be if I don't why I am doing anything at all. Honestly, I just want close my eyes and be present with God. I don't want to feel anymore, nor do I want to struggle in this spiritual up and down spiral, especially emotional pain.
Then I feel guilty for my feelings and its a never ending cycle. There are people out there who have less, more pain, and better reasons to not want to live....I just don't know anymore...
there's really nothing else to say
*****Thank you for reading this very long note******
Any-who, the last forum I posted was on my addiction to cigarettes, and other drugs that I never really came out and mentioned and won't. I am trying to closer to God. Trying to gain a really deep relationship with Jesus through the help of the Holy Spirit. I've already given up trying to do things my way because obviously every time I take control over my life or put things in my hands, chaos and destruction come knocking on my door. I know that I have to put my faith in hands, and trust him. I also know that I have grown a lot in my relationship and in my faith but I need direction and guidance on what to do with my life.
I am struggling with school, struggling with my new leadership role at work, and struggling to find my own identity in Christ. All in all I want well, I NEED a clear picture of what my meaning and purpose on this earth is. I feel desperate beating against the time-line of school (should I do my homework? is what God has in plan for me? Obtaining my B.A.?? Is that not working towards worldly gain vs. spiritual??) How do I get this these answers? I need them quick and fast.
I feel desperate everyday, sad and depressed, lonely and confused and downright out of it. I don't know how I make it through the day, because whenever I am a lone a cry. I just want to be justified in my actions, and in everything I do. But how could I be if I don't why I am doing anything at all. Honestly, I just want close my eyes and be present with God. I don't want to feel anymore, nor do I want to struggle in this spiritual up and down spiral, especially emotional pain.
Then I feel guilty for my feelings and its a never ending cycle. There are people out there who have less, more pain, and better reasons to not want to live....I just don't know anymore...
there's really nothing else to say
*****Thank you for reading this very long note******
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rudy on -
Hey, I've been feeling the exact same way for the past 2yrs now. I also been "misbehaving" and I also have a "worldly gain vs. spiritual" battle within me. All I know is that I love my God and Savior with all my heart, and I hope (and trust) that one day I will be able to die to my self and let the Spirit of God take control of my life.
Remember that He loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son die for you.
Your brother in Messiah,
Rudy.
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Permalink Reply by lampwickke on -
dear G.G. After reading your short note above, I would like to talk with you. It is not our Gods purpose or good pleasure to try one of His childrens souls,If we could talk ,you would then understand much better the huge questions you seek answers for.
In His love,
lampwickke xxx
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