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Permalink Reply by gerianne1963 on May 13, 2008 at 5:51am

DOnt ever be sorry for sharing your burdens first of all. Secondly being an adult (child) and living with you parents is extremely difficult for anyone. In the first book of the bible it states that the ties of man should be un bound and he is to cling to his wife. That meant we were not to be with our parents after a certain season.

Finance, security and the familiar keep us with our parents sometimes longer than we should be. You are not the first child to ever experience your circumstances and you won't be the last. I am telling that we understand where you are coming from. However, if you live in a home with other people there are boundaries, rules and limitations. Both sides need to agree and respect them.

Your parents might be stuck in a time period that sees you still as a juvenile or younger and it is difficult for parents to get past that. I know I had a few hard lessons with this same issue. But, you are living in their home and they can dictate the rules and limitations. If it is behavior and treatment of each other that is suffering, I would suggest that you take some time away from them. Regroup and find some peace of mind, take time to focus on the problems looking on the outside of them. Parent and daughter relationships are difficult because they love you and want to protect you, your whole life not just till you hit 18.

It is love, that gets damaged by our anger and strife. It is trust that gets lost when there is boundary issues and disrespect. It takes two to have fight. See where you are in all of this, address this only after you have prayed and prayed more about this. Ask the Lord to reveal you the hidden truths about your parents and yourself.

Then the Lord will direct your path. I cant tell you how many times I wanted to be shipped to the moon or better yet put my parents on space shuttle and blast the into outer space (;-) LOL). God is of peace and he will provide for you.

Please take the time to reflect before you defect!
Geri Anne

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 13, 2008 at 6:29am

Geri Ann
I want to thank you for the advice and you know with my friend in Virgina she told me that i can stay with her and was going to help me find a job i mean if anyone is going to help me find a job of course you know imma take the chance and jump at it. i know that where ever i go i have to follow rules and everything else that come with it. I just need to take a breather <-- if thats the right spelling from everything

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Permalink Reply by Art Fontaine on May 14, 2008 at 7:14am

Ya, Jenn, I have been there. My parents were abusive Christians who were scared of everything in the world and they caged me up and wasn't allowed to do anything. I never felt like I was loved by anyone other then my dad who used to forget me periodically when we had weekend visits and I would sit in the porch for 8-10 hours and he would never show up. Then he would call 3 months later, apologize and promise to get me this next week end and usually blow me off again. My mom and stepfather couldn't stand me cuz I stuck up for my dad and wanted to live with him and the were rough on me far worse then my brother. I got beat often and once I started running away it was closed fist in the face, one time the zipper on his jacket sleeve cut me from my forehead to the tip of my nose. I went to live with my dad at 12 and eventually moved back home until they got so sick of me they put me on a bus to erbacon WVirginia....and I ended up on the street in Daytona but after a friend got shot in the back in a drive by as him and I were walking down the street I decided FL was not for me anymore and came back here. I didn't have the Lord in the sense that I do now but can say He was definitly with me or I would be dead. The hatred I felt towards my parents continued for a long time. I will be 30 in October and we now just started to have a good relationship 2 years ago. Once I got married they started looking at me different and now that I own my own business too they respect me more. The reason I am saying all this is, forgive whatever animosity you have towards her and I know it takes time but keep in mind that on you own Satan will be gunning for you and though sin often seems harmless, the consequences go on a long time. The emotional pain and the struggles I go through now are a direct result of many of the choices I made in my teen years. Thankfully God sped up the restoration sucess-wise but there is still a lot of fixing to be done. Be careful and remeber you are a Mighty Woman of God and no weapon formed against you shall prosper and you CAN do ALL things through Christ. Have a great week and Best wishes!

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 14, 2008 at 9:42am

you know my friend who so happen to be one of my mother's former students told me i can stay with her she told me that she can help me find a job there i mean wouldnt you take an opporunity to go some where if someone says they would help you find a job i dont understand why she wont let me go i mean if someone says they would help me find a job i will jump on it i dont get it

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Permalink Reply by Living in Black and White on May 14, 2008 at 10:32am

Jennifer,
You have received some good advice, by people who care! The only thing that I would add to what I have read is that you need to remember, consider and act upon the fact that God knows everything that is happening in your life both the "good" and "bad." The good He is orchestrating, the bad He is allowing. If you have been born again, He is in the process of changing you gradually into the likeness or image of Jesus, His Son. This takes time and often requires us to pass through difficulties that we don't understand, but He understands completely. How we respond to people, situations, hardships and even tragedies mold us into this image, that will one day benefit others who struggle in much the same way we struggle today. God has said that your steps are ordered by Him and He delights in your way. So consult His Book and His Spirit and bravely act on what you hear. Whether it be to stay or to go, to please Him is our only aim. "whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Blessings,
Greg Dowell
Living in Black and White

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 14, 2008 at 1:15pm

i thank all of you for the advice but the thing is my mother is not getting it. see if someone is helping me to find a job why not take a chance but you know like i said before my mother thinks imma leave off my friend if that was the case i can stay here in new york

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Permalink Reply by Cami on May 15, 2008 at 3:37am

Jennifer- it sounds to me as if people are giving you the best advice they know how to give, but it's not the advice you want. You want someone to tell you "then leave! You are an adult, you know what you want to do, then do it." The thing is, we as Christians need to seek God's counsel in everything we do. One of the things He tells us to do is honor our parents. Period. He doesn't say to honor them only if they say or do something we like or agree with.
Asa mom myself, I KNOW we make a PILE of mistakes as our child(ren) our growing up. We're not perfect. But in all things we do.. we want the best for our child(ren). We want them to succeed in life, to walk closely with the Lord, to be safe. You mom not wanting you to go to Virginia may not be due to the fact that she is being unreasonable or unfair.. it may be due to the fact she is worried about you. You'd be way out of the scope of her protection, and that scares her. I know. I have a son (will be 20 in October) that wants to move.. IS moving.. to Tennessee within the next month or so. I have tried everything I know of to keep him here at home where I can protect him. But God keeps reminding me that Eric ( my son) belongs first to Him. As such, God will protect Eric. My son will be in God's hands from the day he leaves for Tennessee to the day I meet him again in glory. It hasn't been easy.. nor will it be when moving day comes. I have had nightmare after nightmare about what harm the move might bring my son. I cry every time I think about it. I mean.. it feels as if someone is ripping my heart right out of my chest. I felt the same way when my oldest ( now 23) moved into an apartment 15 minutes away with his fiance' and when my second oldest (22 in June) talks about going to S Carolina to bring his girlfriend back here to Michigan with him next month. And it's the same feeling I get when my fourth oldest (18 in October) or my youngest (16 next week) talk about the day they move out.
Talk to God, Jenn. Ask Him what you should do. And then listen when He answers, even if it's not the answer YOU want to hear.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 15, 2008 at 7:36am

I do appreciate every one for the advice i really do Im glad that you all give me the advice that yall have given me.

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Permalink Reply by maggie on May 15, 2008 at 2:04pm

Jennifer i will pray for you!!! Put your hope and trust in Jesus! He is the only one who will never fail you. people will always disappoint us, but if you choose to do Gods will you will be blessed beyond messure. To do things Gods way means we need to let go of our own will, agenda and desires. He knows best for us!!! So have you prayed and asked God to show you direction? Are you commiting every area of your life to Him? including the problems with your family. Let Him be Lord of your life!! He wants to lead you so ck with Him and don't run off and do anything spur of the moment. Jesus has a wonderful plan for your life and He desires to pour blessing on you. So i suggest you get quiet for a while, Talk with the Lord and read His word for direction. I love you and I want to see you grow into the woman of God that He made you for. Don't hate...instead let God love through you!!! God will lead you in the right direction!!!

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 15, 2008 at 8:57pm

Right now its weird now that i want to leave or planning to leave everything is going peachy. I mean noone is arguing noone is fighting noone is screaming I guess what to say is thank you all for the prayers and thank you for all the support u guys showed me i thank u from the bottom of my heart

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Green on May 21, 2008 at 9:19am

you know i want to thank everyone for the advice but it feels like my mother is pressuring me to be something i dont want to be or something like that but anyway i want to thank everyone for all their advice

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Permalink Reply by Art Fontaine on June 7, 2008 at 7:21am

Your mom probably has expectations of you and though she may be pushing too hard or acting in a manner that isn't in your best interest you need to remember that through all this she is emotyional and passionate about it because she loves you so much! Cami was right as well with many others, give it up to God. Someone saying they will help you get a job is really not that great because I learned a long time ago that you cannot count on anyone and now if you move with them and then they don't get you a job....or maybe their idea of helping you get a job was to buy you a newspaper and give you the classifieds, then drive you. You need to be very specific with the person and make sure you are both on the exact same page because if you move in and go a few months without a job and one day she may have a bad day and see you layin on the couch eating some food or something and just snap cuz she is sick of you mooching. When I was in West Virginia the cost of living was 1/4 of what it is here and I figured a minimum wage job would even set me up phat but I couldn't even get a job at a crappy lil ceasars or anywhere. I put in 52 applications and called all of them every couple days and there was nothing, so I went down to Daytona with 2 army guys that went AWOL and then obviously when they went back I was left in Daytona with $40 (which I got robbed for shortly after)......it was just ugly and with girls it is even worse. Now I know that seems drastic but that was me and things were different. I know you will do it anyway because you had your mind set on it from the start but I think a part of you knows you should deal with your mom a lil longer, just til you hit 18, then you can do it....so you came here hoping enough people would tell you to go for it that you could write off which voice said what... You realize that most of the jobs available to people under 18 are already taken by adults, usually retired who found they can't live off SSI alone? I don't know about your area but here is my suggestion, to do it any other way would be to take a risk that is not responsible. You realize that as a child under God you are responsible to honor and obey your mother according to the laws of the land which is til you are 18? So it seems to be an act of rebellion biblically so you need to be careful. I always worry that God will allow something drastic to happen to set me straight and after a 5 yr jail sentence I am not down with chastenings.....so I think you should find a job 1st and once you are sure you have a job, then move. With the internet it is easier then ever to apply everywhere and many people move to new jobs, that is the responsible way to do it so should something happen you can pay for a room or something. God Bless You and keep you safe. Thank God outloud daily and proclaim His favor and Grace over you EVERY day and proclaim God's favor will open doors in your life and do that over every area in your life and you will see what He does, He'll do it! You will be in my prayers as well as most of the people at HP as well

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